Introduction
This booklet is dedicated to Loving Relationships and the role of a woman can play in making hers Last.
All of us place a high value on a Loving relationship. We sometimes have laden it with a heavy burden. A relationship is expected to endlessly fulfill the fantasies of two freethinking, multifaceted individuals.
At the beginning, when curiosity and infatuation dominate the union, everything seems possible. But as time, repetition and or disagreement cast their lot on our relationships, they begin to shut them down. Luckily, Loving relationship-all of which have limitations and require frequent readjustment and repair-fizzle out slowly.
So, usually there is time to save them. Early detection of trouble allows us to take steps to recapture the zeal and spice of days gone by before the damage becomes irreparable. But preventing a breakdown from ever occurring is our best defense against losing our loving relationship. However, it takes strength to work on a relationship and weakness to give up.
This booklet can help. Written for women, it highlights some common practices that can assure women that they are doing their part to keep the life and love in their relationship.
This booklet is not meant to be derogatory towards women or suggested that women stay in or try to repair physically or mentally abusive relationships.
Women’s Expectation of Love:
As a matter of conditioning that can be traced back to the cradle most women are devout romantics. After all, the oldest and dearest scenarios known to women are those of Cinderella and sleeping beauty. These stories, packaged by instantaneous love and happily-ever-after endings, are quite intriguing, especially since normally, all is well that ends well. But there is no normalcy in the too-perfect-to-be-real romances that these tales convey.
They saddle young ladies with a romantic identify that no real-life suitors can live up to. And ultimately they produce adult women who would like nothing better than to be a fairy tale damsel in distress, gallantly rescued by a fearless and fascinating prince charming. They begin the misconception of love, and lead women to believe that love is simply a matter of being in the right place, at the right time when the man to come along to save the day.
Women should note that men do not apologize for their standards; instead they make sure they really count. Women should look for a man who is interested in them and who will make a contribution to their life.
Men’s Expectation of Love
Men want to be mesmerized, adored, turned-on and respected. This is the simplest requirement of men’s expectation of love from a woman.
Men expect women to create a checklist of what they want from a man and what qualities they have to match these requirements they want. However, most times, women fail to ask themselves if they could attain these requirements themselves, before demanding it from their mates.
Men expect the “what have you done for me lately and the no finance no romance” mentality, couple with the double standards approach when it comes to finance. Men’s money is usually “our” money and her money is “her” money. Women also tend to have a notion that most men do not know how to manage their money, yet most accountants in the world are men, so where did that mentality comes from?
Other aspects common to their relationships include these facts:
- They set high standards for their mates that they cannot attain themselves
- They are more likely to link romantically to men they feel are dashing and debonair.
- They expect mementos such as roses, chocolates and cards on the appropriate corresponding holidays occasion or on no particular occasion.
- They use love for material or personal gain.
- They should update their checklist to fit the time; we all change with time,
- They want to be loved, wooed and honored
- Hate to be neglected, ignored or no longer the apple of the man’s eye
- The intensity of their emotions is not been reciprocated
- True connectedness, which should be the foundation for a loving relationship, gets lost in a kind of if-you-loved me-you-would-impress-me-courtship ritual.
- Eventually the emptiness of such a relationship surfaces, but to avoid this charades:
- Involve yourself in a relationship for the right reasons
Examine your rationale for being in a relationship; be sure you’re after inner person; not personal gain.
Illusion of Love
“Love is mystical togetherness. It is a whimsical playfulness that invigorates you. Love is comfort. When you’re in love you experience a romantic clam and a tenderness that makes you lightheaded. Love is also tortures that you tolerate because each time you’re around the person you’re in love with, you learn something refreshing sweet or something funny, that makes you smile and keeps you happy.” A Woman in Love
The beauty of a woman
The beauty of a woman is not the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, however, true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows. By a Woman
A woman’s expression of an ideal male
The strength of a man isn’t seen in the width of his shoulders. It is in the width of his arms that encircle me.
The strength of a man isn’t in the deep tone of his voice. It is in the gentle words he whispers.
The strength of a man isn’t how many buddies he has. It’s how good of a buddy he is to his children.
The strength of a man isn’t in how hard he hits. It is in how tender he touches.
The strength of a man isn’t the hair on his chest or balls. It is in his heart that lies within his chest that beats.
The strength of a man is not how many women he can love at once. It’s love and honesty that he can bring and be true to one woman like me.
“Love brings out the best in a person; positivity, acceptance, creativity and joy. Love also makes reckless fools out of responsible people. When you’re in love, you learn, you give, you share and you grow, while simultaneously experiencing headaches, annoyances and grief. A man in love stops functioning as an individual, the woman he loves becomes an extension of him. He is over come by an unshakeable twoness and there is no protection. Love is been aware and responding to the need of the other.
A Man in Love
Love Illusions
Most of us who hear the words true love quickly conjure up our stored away, but always handy, image of our union to our made-for-us mate. Almost always we envision an intriguing oasis of predestined passion somewhere out there just waiting for us to find it. This illusion of love is very common.
You can test your susceptibility to this love trap by asking yourself if when you meet a new man you expect a sign-fireworks, sparks, electricity-to let you know this is the one. If you test positive to this illusion, get used to being disappointed. If you’ve managed to avoid this trap, count your blessings. But you’re not out of the woods yet. You may have fallen victim to the equally renowned and just as romantically fatal love-at-first-sight trap.
For most of us feeling good about a relationship is not good enough. Before we’re willing to proclaim we’re in love, we need the additional evidence of having been struck by lightening or dumbfounded by magic the first time we saw a potential mate.
Neither lightning nor magic has anything to do with loving relationships. It’s hard work, compromise and commitment that makes or break loving relationships. And for your efforts, you’re rewarded with real love and real intimacy, not illusions.
Building a Foundation for Love
Most of us don’t realize that there are some general conditions of love. For instance, we’re not willing to be equal, honest and giving partners in a relationship, love has no basis. One or both of you are sure to be unhappy and resentful and end the relationship. No relationship can survive without a basics foundation.
Other elements vital to a loving relationship’s foundation include:
Be yourself
- Don’t create a false image of yourself
- Leave the role-playing to the actresses
- Living a lie is tiring, deceptive and reeks havoc on a loving relationship
- Love who you are and express the real you to have him and to the world
Outgrow the princess Syndrome
Don’t express special treatment, demand equal treatment
Don’t choose to be sheltered from the realities of life or the relationship of life or the relationship
Having a liberated consciousness; don’t promote the stereotype of a woman who needs a man to take care of her, its not fair to him or to yourself
Maintain a reasonable degree of separateness; don’t become overly dependent on him; don’t’ try to merge your identities
Don’t compare your relationship to him
A loving relationship cannot take its cue from your possible distorted view of your girlfriend’s relationship, (remember the grass always looks greener on the other side), or from the continuing saga of soap opera romances; it has to be based on the two of you and your individual personalities
Love him for who he is; don’t try to change him into someone he’s not Don’t be a slave to idealism or romanticism; stay focused on your loving relationship as it stands and as it evolves.
Always keep who he is and what he stands for in mind and judge him accordingly.
Making Love Work
Love is an atmosphere, a state of mind. The little things you do to contribute to his tranquility can mean a lot to the growth, depth and survival of the relationship.
Bring out the best in him
Really get to know him; constantly talk to him to find out what he really likes; what he’s really thinking; what changes he’s going through;
- Be open minded and willing to give his ideas a try
- Be willing to compromise on anything
- Talk to him about the things on your mind
- Don’t be a dictator; be a companion
- Be a true friend; provide comfort, care and sensitivity
Keep your loving relationship in prospective even in the mist of kids, career, or household responsibilities; no relationship is self-sufficient; it has to be nurtured and built upon.
Forget the myth that men want to be mothered, most men would rather be thought of as heroes, not helpless.
Add flavor to your relationship, be creative, do something new to make him look forward to the next time the two of you are together
Explore and express your fantasies together, it will create something new for both of you and make it fun:
- Don’t nag, be accommodating and understanding
- Give space but don’t neglect
- Never criticize unless it’s constructive
- Learn some of the thing he enjoys doing when relaxing, and share in his relaxation
- Respect him, trust him and keep the lines of communication between the two of you open
- Be open about the problems in the relationship
- Do not openly criticize his family or friends
- Praise and appreciate him
- Have patience and flexibility
- Surrender possessiveness and jealousy
- Treat him the way you want to be treated
- Always establish the fact that you’re glad to see him by greeting him with affection not complaints
- Don’t always take his mood changes personally
- Don’t take him for granted
- Don’t constantly complain
- Don’t turn the relationship into a competition
- Don’t always point an accusing finger at him when problems arise; accept equal responsibility for the problems in the relationship
- Demonstrate affection often, with hugs, kisses and attentiveness
- Don’t tell all your stories to your friends, keep some personal things to your self or an expert on relationships that can help if need be
Finally, invest in your relationship, read books, watch videos and other materials that will help you increase your knowledge on how to build strong and lasting relationship with your partner, get him involved too
Let Love Grow
If all of a sudden you are expected to do things that were not an issue at the start of the relationship, your relationship has reached a new plateau; this is nothing to be upset about; it does not mean that he is no longer pleased with you; this is natural development in a long-term relationship; it proves that the two of you have become comfortable enough with each other to ask for the specifics that makes you happy.
Nothing stays the same. Day to day occurrence and experience affect each of us differently and will undoubtedly affect the change in your loving relationship. Change is nourishment for a loving relationship and should be welcomed
Don’t allow the relationship to become trapped in a routine agenda or cut off from the rest of the world; get out; do things; expose the relationship to new people, new places, new challenges and new ideas
Allow him to share your hopes and dreams and watch the bond between the two of you grow stronger and lasting
Love Realities
It’s quite obvious that maintaining a positive and long loving, supportive relationship with a partner is not an easy and ever demanding task. A true
Loving relationship is how the couple considers it to be. Just as the old saying, “you sleep on your bed as you lay it” Plan to lay your bed well, so that you can have a loving, funning, supporting and lasting relation.
Any relationship requires a little bit of patience, a little bit of creativity and a whole lot of open sessions of communication.
Communication is the building block of every relationship. Infact, this is the key to any relationship and in most cases, it is giving little or no attention when it comes to relationships.
From the study I conducted over a three-year period among divorced couples, the number one problem was communication and not what most people think-finance. So you can see that truly, communication is the building block of all relationship. Pay more attention to the simple 7 letters called “talking”.
There is no Perfect Relationship
Most of us tend to skim over our partner’s good traits, concentrate on the bad ones and then become disenchanted with the whole relationship; be fair in assessing your mate and if his acceptance characteristics outweigh his faults, you’ve more than likely struck gold.
Have realistic expectations from the relationship
- Work on your relationship and make it better and better everyday
- Accept nothing less than mutual honesty, trust, respect, and
- Consideration of each other’s well being
- Be committed to make your partner happy and demand the same
- Commitment from him
- Keep the spontaneity in your relationship alive
- Demand what you can match from your mate
Judge the severity of the problems in your Loving relationship wisely and realistically
Arguments
A Loving relationship without disagreement is not healthy. These awkward moments of debate expose otherwise unexpressed thought and feelings. This is an opportunity to discover exactly what’s on his mind. Listen and you will learn. Be careful that you don’t extend unnecessary arguments.
After an argument, always examine and understand clearly in what ways you invited or contributed to the argument and in what areas you can effectively diffuse any other future similar occurrence
Know when to let go and compromise. Always think twice and about forcing an issue that will affect the both of you and should be settled calmly through mutually agreeable terms.
Selfish Demands
When both mates refrain from making selfish demands and let love have its full expression in their relationship, greater happiness results. There has to be an overwhelming desire to the parts of both partners to make needed changes, to do things the better way. We all have the good and bad in all of us, and he or she that is showing insight in a matter will find good and happiness in their relationship.
Giving In
Many of us believe that giving in an argument is a sign of weakness. Contrarily if you force an issue you lose more ground than you gain. Patience and cool headedness is the key to controlling a sticky situation
and finding a solution to a problem.
Note on Sex
Sex is basic human drive but it shouldn’t be a primary component of your loving relationship; if it is, your relationship probably is based more on ego gratification than on a consummation of love
- Good sex doesn’t guarantee a good relationship; never has and never will.
- Do not use sex as a bargaining chip or a weapon
- The art of lovemaking is just that, an art
- So do not ego trip about how good you are sexually, it is a matter of opinion.
"Your Diversity Expert"
Written, edited and publish by:
FDG (Fuller Delson Group)
Atlanta, Georgia